Covenant Theology: The Family

(Part 5 Sermon Number Thirty-two)

by

James E. Bordwine, Th.D.

Introduction

This sermon brings us to the third and final point in this study of the family. First, we looked at the relation of male and female. We examined the creation account of our first parents in Gen. 2 and learned about their respective roles and purposes. Second, relying on Paul's teaching in Eph. 5, we looked at the relation of husband and wife. In that passage, the apostle explains the fundamental responsibilities of each party in a marriage. This brings us to the matter of The Relation of Parents and Children.

What is the nature of the relationship that exists between parents and children? How are children to be viewed by their parents and the Church? What is the chief duty of parents? What is the chief duty of children? Let me emphasize that these are primary questions that need to be answered as we come to understand and imitate the Biblical model of the family. The answers that the Scripture gives to these questions constitute a theology of the parent-child relationship and it is this theology that will inform us as we ask many more questions and seek to be faithful in duties related to parenting.

3. The Relation of Parents and Children

The first matter that I want to address is the issue of the covenantal relationship that exists between parents and children. When I say “covenantal,” I mean that the nature of the parent-child relationship is determined by the larger context of God's work of redemption. God has so ordained redemption that the spiritual status of the parent has implications for the spiritual status of the child. To put it another way, we could say that God views the child in relation to the parent. God's relation to the child is contingent upon His relation to the parent. I understand that this last statement, in particular, may sound questionable to some who are not accustomed to looking at relationships in terms of the Bible's emphasis on covenants, but I plan to show from Scripture that what I have said is true. Moreover, I hasten to add that what I've said thus far does not mean that God never has regard for the children of unbelieving parents-I certainly do not believe that; nor does it mean that the children of believing parents are guaranteed salvation regardless of their response. What I'm describing is what is presented as the typical picture in Scripture or as the normal outworking of the covenant of redemption.

As an illustration, consider what God says in connection with the Second Commandment, which has to do with the manner in which God is worshiped: “I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Ex.. 20:5, 6) These verses clearly teach a conditional connection between fathers and their children. The consequences of disobedience are felt not only by the sinner, but also by his descendants; the same is true regarding the consequences of obedience. These verses don't mean that children are punished for the sins of fathers, they mean that the nature of God's dealings with us is such that an ungodly father establishes an ungodly legacy, while a godly father establishes a godly legacy. In both cases, the children are in a particular spiritual context due to the conduct of their father.

To put this more plainly, we can agree that the father who does not attend church and who cares little for the teachings of Scripture is unlikely to raise God-fearing children. On the other hand, the father who does seek to live his life according to God's will raises children who do have a knowledge of the truth and who, therefore, are less likely to deny God and live lives of faithlessness.

I have referred to the larger context of the work of redemption in reference to the relationship between parent and child. This work of redemption is presented in Scripture as a covenantal or “contractual” arrangement between God, the Father, and Jesus Christ, the Son. In the covenant of redemption, God promises forgiveness and eternal life to all those for whom Jesus Christ supplies a payment for sin and an imputed righteousness. Further, it is the Spirit's role in this covenant of redemption effectually to call those for whom Christ has secured redemption, regenerate them, seal them and abide with them throughout their lifetimes.

This is, in essence, the promise of salvation that God first revealed following the fall of Adam and Eve; it is the promise of salvation that was illustrated in Israel's history and proclaimed by Israel's prophets. This is the promise that brought Jesus Christ to earth and concluded in His suffering, death, resurrection and exaltation; it is the promise declared to the world on the Day of Pentecost and thereafter elaborated upon by the New Testament writers. This is the promise that the Church has been preaching throughout the whole earth. This promise is presented to sinners and those who believe God, those who, by faith, trust His word, come to experience what He pledges; they come to possess just what God promises throughout the Bible to those who believe and trust Him, which is, once again, forgiveness of sin and eternal life.

For our present purposes, we must ask if this plan of salvation, incorporating as it is does the promises of God and the work of Jesus Christ, is purely individualistic in application. We must affirm that salvation is a truly personal experience; the faith or belief that is expressed in the promises of God is an individual matter. But can we say that the experience of salvation has no direct implications for anyone other than the individual sinner?

As I indicated when I described the parent-child relationship as covenantal, the answer to this question must be “no,” especially when thinking of families. Given what the Bible teaches, some of which we will examine momentarily, we cannot say that a sinner's salvation, while it requires a personal faith, is limited in implication to him. The calling and regeneration of a sinner have ramifications for that sinner's dependents. Due to the manner in which God chooses to work and the nature of the family that He has ordained, salvation may not be viewed as a purely individualistic event as though it has no repercussions for those who have familial ties to the one making a profession of faith. Salvation must be seen as a covenantal event in which the sinner is, of course, affected, but also an event in which the dependents of the sinner are affected.

There are two primary passages in which the idea of a covenantal relation between parent and child is taught. The first is Gen. 17:7-14:

7 “And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you. 8 And I will give to you and to your descendants after you, the land of your sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.” 9 God said further to Abraham, “Now as for you, you shall keep My covenant, you and your descendants after you throughout their generations. 10 This is My covenant, which you shall keep, between Me and you and your descendants after you: every male among you shall be circumcised. 11 And you shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be the sign of the covenant between Me and you. 12 And every male among you who is eight days old shall be circumcised throughout your generations, a servant who is born in the house or who is bought with money from any foreigner, who is not of your descendants. 13 A servant who is born in your house or who is bought with your money shall surely be circumcised; thus shall My covenant be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant. 14 But an uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that person shall be cut off from his people; he has broken My covenant.”

Genesis 17 represents the culmination of contact between God and Abraham. In previous encounters, God indicated His intention to bless Abraham abundantly by making him the father of nations. Here God restates His purpose for Abraham and gives the patriarch a fuller explanation of this relationship by referring to it as “an everlasting covenant.” (v. 7) The essence of the relationship between God and Abraham is represented in the phrase “to be God to you and to your descendants after you.” God enters into a personal relationship with Abraham and Abraham's descendants; in this relationship, God obligates Himself to the patriarch and to the patriarch's offspring. God is meeting with Abraham only, He is speaking with Abraham only, but the promises that God speaks incorporate all of Abraham's descendants. This is a perfect illustration of how God works covenantally.

This is the nature of a covenant; two parties meet and, in this case, one of those parties, namely, Abraham, stands as a representative of many others. Because of God's favor toward Abraham, Abraham's descendants would be blessed. Later, of course, Paul explains that what is being spoken to Abraham here is the gospel and he emphasizes that it is not those who descend from Abraham physically who are the sole heirs to this promise, but it is those who imitate the faith of Abraham and believe God's word who are the heirs of this great promise (cf. Gal. 3). What is recorded in Gen. 17, therefore, is God's promise to bring salvation to the world through the seed of Abraham.

To further emphasize the implications of God's actions for Abraham's offspring, God commands Abraham to “mark” his dependents with an outward, visible sign. God already indicated that Abraham's descendants were included in His favor, but then He orders a sign that would represent this relationship. Circumcision was to be applied to all the malessons and servantsin Abraham's household. This sign indicated that they were in a covenantal relationship with God through Abraham. Notice an important fact: Abraham's dependents were included by the express command of God. They were not asked if they wanted to be included, nor was Abraham asked if he liked this arrangement. God determined to operate in this manner and so informs Abraham. Clearly, then, Abraham's relationship with God had definite implications for his dependents. They were brought into a relationship with God by virtue of Abraham's faith. God does not address Abraham's descendants, but includes them as recipients of the blessing due to His relationship with their father. This, once again, is the nature of a covenant.

The seriousness with which God viewed this relationship with Abraham and his dependents is indicated when God declares that “an uncircumcised male... shall be cut off from his people; he has broken My covenant.” (v. 14) God teaches that outside this covenantal arrangement in which He obligates Himself to Abraham's descendants, there is no salvation. Abraham's descendants are “automatically” included in the line of God's blessing and circumcision was required as a way of acknowledging one's participation in this covenant. Therefore, God warns that refusal to acknowledge the covenant through circumcision would result in exclusion from this saving arrangement.

This warning proves that simply being a descendant of Abraham did not guarantee one's salvation. God placed Abraham's descendants in a favored position, but they were required to exercise faith in God's promise to realize the saving benefits of the covenant. This, of course, provides an answer to those who criticize covenant theology for providing false hope to the children of believers. On the contrary, covenant theology emphasizes God's kindness in placing our children in a favored status, but it also emphasizes with equal vigor the duty of covenant faithfulness by which one shows himself to be a true son of God.

The second passage in which the idea of a covenantal relation between parent and child is taught is 1 Cor. 7:

10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

The context of these verses is Paul's advice to the Corinthians on various questions related to marriage. In particular, he had been asked about a situation in which either a believing husband or wife has an unbelieving spouse. What is the Christian's duty under such circumstances? Should the believer leave the unbeliever? Paul responds that if the unbelieving spouse consents to remain, that is, if the unbelieving partner agrees to abide by the marriage vows even though the other spouse is a Christian, then the believer should not seek to end the marriage (vv. 12, 13). Paul gives his reason for this command in v. 14: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband...” What does he mean?

The word translated “sanctified” (hegiastai) refers to things that are set apart for sacred purposes. Paul says that because of the presence of a believing spouse, an unbelieving spouse is in a favorable position relative to God. The apostle's thinking is not difficult to understand. The believing spouse brings the gospel and all the blessings associated with the gospel into the marriage. The unbelieving spouse, therefore, will be exposed to the gospel in a way not possible under different circumstances; the unbelieving spouse also will enjoy the fruits of God's grace as it works in the life of the believing spouse. Paul means to encourage believers with unbelieving spouses. He doesn't promise the salvation of unbelieving spouses, but he offers hope that, due to the nature of such a marriage, God might bring the unbeliever to faith. Therefore, the believer should not seek to terminate the marriage. It is the covenantal nature of marriage that allows Paul to make such statements. Whether believer or unbeliever, the two have become one flesh and must, therefore, share in one another's advantages, disadvantages, blessings and afflictions.

This covenantal idea extends to the children in such a marriage. Paul adds: “...for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” Two words must be defined. The word translated “unclean” (akatharta) refers to that which is ritually unacceptable, that which is defiled; and the word translated “holy” (hagia) refers to things set apart for God's purpose, things sacred. The two words describe opposite qualities. Paul applies these qualities to the children produced in a marriage. The principle of sanctification, first explained as it applies to a believing spouse's influence on an unbelieving spouse, finds application to the children. According to Paul, children produced in a marriage consisting of at least one believing parent are “holy”; that is, they bear a special relationship to God in which they are subject to His favor. On the other hand, children produced in a marriage consisting of two unbelieving parents are “unclean” or, to follow Paul's thinking, have no such relationship with God.

The question that must be answered here is this: How can Paul say such things? On what basis does he make a distinction between the children of believers and the children of unbelievers? Let me emphasize that the only way to explain what Paul says here is to recognize that the spiritual status of a child is connected to that of the parent. Paul could make this distinction between the children of believers and the children of unbelievers because the saving relationship between a parent and God has implications for the children. What other conclusion can we reach when Paul speaks of a distinction between the spiritual status of children based upon the belief or unbelief of parents? In the same way that an unbelieving spouse comes under the influence of the gospel due to a believing spouse, so children of believing parents come under the influence of the gospel.

There is a difference, however, between the unbelieving spouse who is “sanctified” by his believing partner and children who are “sanctified” by a believing parent; and this difference is critical. The difference is that God has made a special promise to the descendants of believers, but no such promise has been made to the unbelieving spouses of Christians. The unbelieving spouse will be subject to the influence of the gospel, but, in the case of children, God promises more than that; He promises to be the God of our descendants after us, which implies that He takes a special interest in the offspring of believers. For this we should give thanks. God has regard for those who are most precious to us as parents. This covenantal relationship so clearly reveals the love and mercy of God.

Having examined these two primary passages, I would like to mention that the Old Testament bears ample testimony to the covenant principle that I have been talking about. What, for example, do we see in the first few generations after Abraham? Do we see evidence that God was God to Abraham and to his children? In this period, we find God operating according to what He revealed to Abraham in Gen. 17; God lovingly and mercifully interacts with the descendants of the patriarch and maintains the covenant line from one generation to the next. When this portion of Scripture is reviewed, it becomes obvious that God is taking the initiative to establish and maintain contact with the descendants of Abraham. The favored status of the descendants of Abraham is continued throughout the Old Testament narrative and culminates in the ultimate seed of Abraham, Jesus Christ (cf. Gal. 3:16). This truth leads to one of the most profound principles taught in the Bible when it comes to a proper view of the family. The principle to which I refer is that of developing a generational perspective on life.

Let me mention a few references at this point in the sermon. Psalm 22, which begins with a depiction of the coming crucifixion of the Messiah, ends with a description of what His atonement will accomplish: “30 Posterity will serve Him; it will be told of the Lord to the coming generation. 31 They will come and will declare His righteousness to a people who will be born, that He has performed it.” The work of Christ will be legendary and it will be told by one generation to the next; those not yet born will hear of the great work of our Savior. In Psa. 71, the writer asks God to allow him to declare the righteousness of God to “all who are to come.” (v. 18) This writer recognizes that God's work extend from one generation to the next and he desires to live long enough to report on God's greatness to those who are yet unborn. Psalm 78 describes the passing of information from father to children and the information that is passed from one generation to the next concerns the redemptive work of God. In Psa. 102, the writer states that the mercy of God toward those who fear Him will be recorded so that “a people yet to be created may praise the LORD.” (v. 18) Such citations could be repeated over and over. This is how the faithful worshiper of God viewed life. The faithful understood that God favors parents and children because He is a God of such lovingkindness and grace. The faithful also understood that it was their great privilege and duty to make known the wonderful work of God from one generation to the next.

With the coming of Christ, the Bible shows just how broad will be the blessing promised to Abraham when, following the resurrection of the Savior, the gospel promise is preached to all the nations. During his public preaching of the gospel, the apostle Peter declares, “Repent, and let each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and your children, and for all who are far off, as many as the Lord our God shall call to Himself.” (Acts 2:38. 39) You've heard these verses many times. Have you ever wondered what Peter means by that statement regarding the promise being for children? To which promise does Peter refer? What promise had been drilled into the minds of the Jews for centuries? It was the promise of God to Abraham that He would bless the descendants of the patriarch and have them as His people. This is what is on Peter's mind when he preached: “And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you.”

Remember, as I stated earlier, this promise is identified by Paul as the gospel in Gal. 3. Peter's words are a deliberate statement regarding the nature of children in the age of the Messiah. One of the first declarations made by the early Church, therefore, was the continuing status of children in relation to the covenant! The first proclamation of the gospel in the New Testament contained this reaffirmation of the covenant principle that puts the children of believers in a favorable light before God. The importance of this perspective on the gospel, this perspective on God's work of redemption and this perspective on our children cannot be overstated. It is troubling, therefore, to say the least, to admit that we live at a point in history where Christians do not understand the covenantal ways of God and do not see the riches God offers to them and their children. Let us hope, nevertheless, that ours is the generation that will embrace what the Bible teaches so clearly.

I've covered the covenantal relation that exists between parents and children. In the next sermon, I'll talk about the chief duty of parents and the chief duty of children. For now, I'll conclude with some application.

Application

In the application, I want to mention the implications of what we've learned about the relation of parents and children. What principles can be drawn from this Biblical material? What should parents understand about their relationship with their children? What should the Church understand about the relation of parent to child? Before offering several principles, let me summarize what we have learned thus far about the relation of parents and children. First, we have seen that the spiritual status of parents has implications for the spiritual status of children. The manner in which God has chosen to bring redemption to the human race makes this truth necessary. Second, and more particularly, we have discovered that God has obligated Himself to the descendants of believers. God includes our children in His plan of redemption. With this said, let me make a few observations.

I want to emphasize that the favored status of our children is a matter of God's promise; their standing before God is a settled issue from the point of conception. The child of a believing parent comes into this world a child of the covenant. As far as actions or rituals are concerned, the Church does not establish a child's membership in God's covenant community; as far as actions or rituals are concerned, a believing parent does not establish a child's membership in God's covenant community. The child of a believing parent already is a member of God's covenant community before and regardless of any action taken or any ritual performed by the Church or the parent. Both the Church and the parent should acknowledge the status of the child by marking the child with the sign of faith in the promise of God which now is water baptism. When this is done, however, it is the recognition of a condition that already exists, it is not the cause of the condition. Children of believing parents are baptized because they are, by God's command, covenant children; they are not baptized so they can become covenant children.

This distinction is crucial to a right understanding of how the Church and parents are supposed to view children. The children of believing parents do not exist in some kind of neutral territory until they receive baptism; their baptism points to an existing relationship between them and God. And, I would add, the fact that the sign of covenant membership, which was circumcision in the Old Testament and is baptism in the New Testament, points to an exiting status is why God gave Abraham a warning in Gen. 17. The father who did not apply the sign of faith to his son was denying what God said was so; he was denying the child's membership in the covenant community and was, therefore, engaging in gross disobedience. Refusal to apply the sign of faith in God's promise resulted in the son being separated from the covenant community in which he would be trained and in which he would come to know the grace of God.

All of this bears on the view that the Church and parents have toward children. Parents should view their little ones as most blessed, indeed. Parents should be anxious to acknowledge God's covenant kindness; they should be eager to declare publicly this acknowledgment in the sacrament of baptism. They should understand that this acknowledgment is a matter of obedience to what God commands and a matter of faith in what God promises. It is a matter of obedience because God commands us to apply the sign of the covenant to our children and it is a matter of faith because the only reason we have to be hopeful where the salvation of our children is concerned is God's promise to be our God and the God of our descendants. Parents have God's word that He has regard for their children; their duty is believe God's promise and respond faithfully to what God requires of them.

What Christian parents must not do is view their children as “little pagans” as though God has never spoken about their status. What Christian parents must not do is lead their children to believe that they are outside the covenant community. Parents must not ignore their children's interest in the covenant of redemption because God, Himself, established their interest in the covenant. Christian parents should rejoice and give thanks to the God of the covenant; they should praise Him for His wisdom and mercy that take into account those most dear to them. The covenant status of our children is a most comforting doctrine. The Christian parent has every reason to expect that a child who is treated according to his place in the covenant and who is raised to be a responsible member of the covenant community will embrace in faith the Savior of the covenant, Jesus Christ. The parent can't believe for the child, but the parent can take full, hopeful and thankful advantage of the grace that makes the child precious in the eyes of God; and the parent can find consolation in the truth of God's regard for the covenant child when that child shows signs of unfaithfulness.

Any parent who doubts God's regard for the children of the covenant should hear the words of God in Eze. 16. In this passage, God expresses His outrage at the idolatrous practices of the nation. He accuses the people of taking what belonged to Him and using it in their spiritual harlotries. Notice, in particular, vv. 20 and 21: “Moreover, you took your sons and daughters whom you had borne to Me, and you sacrificed them to idols to be devoured. Were your harlotries so small a matter? You slaughtered My children, and offered them up to idols by causing them to pass through the fire.” God refers to those precious little ones who were burned in the fires as “My children.” He says that these children were “borne to Me.” Why would God say such a thing unless His relationship with Israel had implications for Israel's children? Why would God refer to those sacrificed children as His unless there was a sense-a covenantal sense-in which they really were His children. Let every parent take careful note of God's perspective on this matter and let every parent then resolve to believe God's promise and respond in faith.

Much of what I've said is applicable to the Church. The Church must teach and support the view of covenant children that we find in Scripture. The Church must recognize the status of Her children and must tend to them accordingly. The Church must teach parents to recognize the covenant status of their children; She must teach and urge parents to acknowledge by baptism what God has promised. The Church must assist parents in the raising of covenant children by equipping and praying for the parents and by lovingly seeking to supplement the parents' instruction.

What the Church must not do is exclude God's little ones from worship; they belong in the assembly of the saints just as surely as any adult. The Church must not divide the family that God has bound together not only physically, but spiritually. Let the Church cherish the family and minister to the family. The Church must not withhold from covenant children the means of grace that God has ordained for the good of His people. Let God's little ones be marked with the sign of His grace in baptism; it is their birthright. And let them be fed from the Table of their covenant Savior. Let children hear the Word of God by which they learn of redemption and life in the family of God; and let them hear the Word in the presence of their parents as they witness a mature faith even though they are yet spiritual babes. And let God's children sing His praise as they are able; let them be glad in the music of praise and thanksgiving. Let the Church rejoice in Her children for they represent the kindness, wisdom and mercy of God and they represent the assurance that the knowledge of God will, indeed, be made known to generations yet unborn.

Conclusion

The Lord's Supper declares to us our unity-and not just adult to adult unity, but unity within our families. My God is the God of my children after me. The promise of salvation which I have embraced belongs also to them. The Savior who gave Himself for me, also gave Himself for them. So, let this occasion of the Lord's Supper be a time for your to give thanks as a covenant family.